Mary Allen
Stroke yes, hugs no? Must talk, never make eye contact? The internet is overflowing with supposed tips on how to show your love for dogs. If you ask the experts, however, it becomes clear that there is no magic formula.
When it comes to the question of how to show affection for a dog – or how not – dog owners disagree. Experts, however, give the all-clear: “There is actually nothing that you should not do under any circumstances. It’s different from dog to dog,” says dog psychologist Brigitte Bärtschi from Zuzgen AG. Julika Fitzi-Rathgen from the Swiss Animal Welfare STS agrees: “I think that the range of individual preferences is also huge for dogs, depending on their degree of socialization.”
Behavioral therapist Sonja Doll Hadorn from Winterthur, ZH adds that most dogs don’t like highly restrictive touches such as hugs or being cradled like a baby. “But there are big individual differences and race-related trends intolerance and the need for physical closeness.” For example, Golden and Labrador Retrievers are mostly tolerant, as are the Swiss mountain dog breeds, but only towards people they trust.
It Depends on the Circumstances
The zoologist is addressing a crucial point: it depends on who is responsible for the behavior. Does the dog seek proximity itself or is it forced to do so? Is it a stormy child, perhaps a stranger, patting him or the familiar mistress? “Of course, if the dog is in the mood, it can endure more and probably also enjoys that it gets what it was looking for,” says Doll Hadorn.
The context is also relevant. While very few dogs refuse physical closeness on the sofa at home, they sometimes don’t like touching when going for a walk. They retreat, crouch, growl or even snap. This is because they are in an unprotected environment. For example, the dog can perceive a pat as a reward as unpleasant.
If you want to prove your love for your own dog, you can’t go wrong with physical contact at home and with mutual consent. Be it on the sofa or in bed. If you don’t like the latter, simply put a basket next to the bed, then the dog’s need to be close to its human is usually met. Either way, according to Julika Fitzi-Rathgen, lying close to each other, the so-called pack lying, often decreases with age and is no longer a basic need per se.
The Dog Must be Able to Avoid it
A dog that likes to lie down right in front of the door, i.e. in such a way that it is impossible to get past it unnoticed, has a different motive, says the veterinarian: “He doesn’t want to miss out when the pet owner leaves.” After all, he is a social pack animal that wants to be taken everywhere. “So it’s not about the dog looking for physical closeness, but about not losing touch with the pack.”
But what does all this mean in relation to the hugs so loved by the two-legged friend? Even if there is a deep bond between dog and master, this is not automatically a welcome gesture. In 2016, author and psychologist Stanley Coren published a study in which he evaluated 250 private photos that he found on the Internet. His result: more than four out of five dogs found the hug stressful. They either turned their heads away, licked their lips, yawned, or showed other signs of stress.
Fitzi-Rathgen counters this and cites family dogs like the retriever as an example, which would certainly appreciate such gestures – as long as they have a positive connection with them. However, it also depends on the ranking. Smaller dogs, in particular, have problems with hugs “if they are placed at eye level with their masters and cannot avoid hugs, as obedience would require”. As a result, they often slipped into appeasement mode.
The specialist speaks from experience. After all, she is the owner of a French bulldog who likes to be hugged tightly but immediately puts out a forearm to keep huggers at a distance. “And if this distance is reduced with pressure, it can happen that our bulldog snaps – but only at people of lower rank or of the same rank.” It actually seems to be very individual. As dog psychologist Brigitte Bärtschi says: “I have two dogs. One hates it and the other loves being in my arms and being cuddled for hours.”
Eye Contact Can be Binding
An undisputed way to show affection for your loved one seems to be talking. Preferably with a high, childlike voice that has something relevant to say, at least according to current research. According to this, dogs understand the connection between words and tone of voice. And that’s not all: Japanese scientists demonstrated in a 2015 study that the bonding hormone oxytocin is released in dogs when they catch their human gaze. Eye contact strengthens the bond with the dog.
But real life isn’t so clear-cut, as dog trainer Bärtschi knows: “One of my dogs doesn’t have any problems with it and could look you in the eye for hours. The other doesn’t work. It goes away if you do it too long.” The same applies here: Don’t force anything!