Bringing Cats Together – Friends For Life? Part 1

Two cats licking each other’s heads and then falling asleep on the bed, hugging each other, after having romped through the hallway together with a squeaky delight – for us cat owners there is hardly a better idea. That is exactly what we want for our cats.

However, the reality is often different. Quite often there are cats living in the same household who avoid each other and just tolerate each other. If there is a total lack of sympathy for one another or if the cats have bad experiences with one another, cat relationships develop that is characterized by frustration, anger, fear, or insecurity. This can mean constant stress for those affected, from which their health and quality of life can suffer. And for us humans, the sight of our cats is no longer so idyllic. Far too often, the first encounter between two feline companions in life is stressful and overwhelming. Then these two cats start their life together under poor conditions and not only have to get to know each other but also have to overcome bad experiences with each other. That makes it unnecessarily difficult for them.

In this two-part article, you will find out what you can consider setting the course for peace and harmony when socializing your cats. This also includes the questions:

• What criteria should you use to choose cats?
• Which criteria should a multi-cat household meet?
• And – especially important in connection with mergers – when is it a good idea to get support from a professional behavioral advisor?

How Does Your Cat Perceive Strange Cats?

Let us first approach this question in general terms. What do you think an outdoor cat feels when it sees a strange cat outside?

• Joy?
• Curiosity?
• Is she jubilating inside, going off at ease to greet the stranger with her tail held high?

Such cats really do exist: Most of them are young cats under 2 years of age who are unusually social and have not yet experienced anything bad. But these touching creatures are the exception, not the rule. Typical feelings when looking at a strange cat are healthy to pronounced mistrust, anger that someone intrudes into your own territory, or fear of this intruder.

Stranger cats pose a threat to one another – a threat to their own integrity and to the important resources (hunting prey, feeding places, sleeping places, possibly reproductive partners). A cat would do well to be suspicious of a strange cat!

If you want to bring your cat together with someone else, you should assume that the two of them will not overturn with enthusiasm at first.

What Promotes Friendship?

If two strange cats are suddenly very close to each other, the fright often leads to strong emotional reactions: There is hissing and growling – if things are going well and the cats are well under control. If the shock is too great or if one of the two is not a great master in impulse control, an attack or panic-like escape easily occurs in such a situation, both of which can lead to wild chases and even fights. All of this is not conducive to making friends afterward. Aggressive communication with hissing and growling, but above all strong feelings of fear and fights, represent bad experiences that – depending on the intensity of the events and the character of the cats – can burn themselves deep into the emotional memory. They are then massively in the way of rapprochement.

Friendship, on the other hand, can arise when the first encounters between two cats are organized in such a way that both can calmly look at each other from a safe position. A safe position does not only mean, but above all, a sufficiently large distance. The greater the distance between the two, the less the cats will perceive themselves as an immediate danger. In a reunion, you should aim to ensure that your cats can stay as relaxed as possible during the encounters. This is the best way to gradually reduce healthy distrust and slow to open up. While bad experiences between the cats should be avoided at all costs, anything that provides more relaxation, good mood, and joy during the encounters is helpful.

We will come to a little later what that might mean in terms of practical implementation. First, let’s look at two important points that can also be central to the development of friendship between cats: sympathy and similar needs

Sympathy and Similar Needs

The bad news first: Unfortunately, we are not in control of sympathy. It works no differently between cats than it does with us, humans. There is sympathy and antipathy at first sight. Sympathy increases the willingness to approach each other in a peaceful and friendly manner. Antipathy drastically reduces this willingness. If there is antipathy between two cats and this cannot be overcome, then these cats should not have to live together.

Sometimes there is a kind of gray area at first. The cats do not yet know what to think of each other. Not only, but especially then, the rapprochement can be easier if the cats enjoy similar things.

Therefore, when choosing the right partner cat, make sure that the cats are as compatible as possible with one another in many areas of life. Central points are:

• Similar needs for activity: a youngster who is always ready for action can be a great pleasure partner for an equally activity-loving tomcat, but for an introverted senior cat with kidney problems it may be an imposition.
• The same-sex or same type of game: While tomcats often like to fight in social games, kittens mostly prefer racing games without playing combat interludes. Exceptions prove the rule. Therefore, if you have or host active cats, please try to select a partner cat with the same gaming preferences. Otherwise, the bully will quickly develop frustration and the more tender soul will easily develop fear.
• Similar needs for closeness and physical contact: Cats differ greatly in how close they want to be to other cats. While some absolutely need physical contact and mutual cleaning, others value keeping enough distance. This harbors the great potential for frustration or pressure. If two cats agree on their desire for closeness and distance, then they can form a harmonious team.

Can You Meet the Criteria for a Multi-Cat Household?

In order for several cats to be permanently happy with you, there are usually a few requirements. These differ greatly depending on the cat constellation, but you definitely won’t go wrong with the following basics:

• Have enough litter boxes in different rooms. The golden rule is number of cats +1 = minimum number of litter boxes
• You can apply the same rule directly to all other important cat things: scratching places, sleeping beds, heating places in winter, hiding places, raised places, water points, etc.
• Do you have enough time to play and cuddle with all of the cats in turn if your cats can’t share these special activities with each other? That happens quite often.
• Do you have enough beautifully furnished rooms so that every cat can always find a room for itself if it just doesn’t want to see people or cats?
• Are you generally aware that a cat requires more time?
• And of course, there is also a cost factor for feed, litter, and veterinary care?
• Do your family members all agree to take in one or more other cats?
• Are your current cats and the ones you choose all really social cats who generally appreciate the company of other cats? Only then do they have a chance to become really happy in a multi-cat household.

Please do not hesitate to answer these possibly uncomfortable questions honestly.

Outlook

Have you found a cat that could be a good match for your existing cat? And are you confident that you will meet the criteria for a multi-cat household well? Then please heed the tips from the second part of the article when socializing.